R.I.P

19th March 2012 1:30 pm Author: Karoline Rosland Eilertsen

Two weeks ago I had to watch from the sidelines as my life slowly fell apart. I found myself in a pitch-black tunnel without any glimpse of light in the distance. You guessed right: my computer broke down. 

To make it easier lets baptise my child, oops, I mean my computer: Ludwig. We met on a sunny spring day in the city. Out eyes locked from across the street, and I knew Ludwig was the one for me. After handing over £999,99 to the Apple Store without hesitation I could finally take the love of my life home and we could start our new life together. And, oh, how lovely it has been.

The fateful day was a normal Tuesday afternoon. I was lying in my bed, ill, feeling sorry for myself. I was multi-tasking watching 90210 on TV and surfing the ever so interesting news feed on Facebook when devastation struck. When I realised that I didn't really care that my friend had to take a shower after work before going for a walk with her dog I decided to close Ludwig down and give my friends on 90210 my full attention. I put Ludwig carefully on the bed, giving him an uplifting pat on the back and promising that it wouldn't be long until mummy was back. Stupid as I am, I had a sudden compulsion to readjust my duvet and by that accidentally sent Ludwig tumbling to the floor. 

Those two seconds it took for him to hit the floor felt like a life time: I could see my life passing by, all those moments we'd shared - laughing and crying - gone, in an instant. I reached out for him like a mother would for her newborn baby, but our fingers slipped. I'll never be able to forget the look in Ludwig’s eyes. Like I'd betrayed him. 

I rushed him to A & E (or, the Apple Store) and as the doctor examined Ludwig I was left waiting with other families going through the same trauma as I was. The look in our eyes – as if Voldemort had just killed our families. After 20 minutes (felt like a week) of nervous waiting the doctor came out telling me there was no hope – Ludwig was gone. That is: his brain was not functioning, but the rest of his body could still be saved. With tears in my eyes I told the doctor to pull the plug – put Ludwig out of his misery. 

Half an hour later (and £120 poorer) I stood outside, feeling like I'd been through hell and back, with Ludwig in my bag, but it wasn't the same. He may've looked the same, but something had changed on the inside. Something broke that day. I knew Ludwig would never be back. I had lost him the moment I chose 90210 over him.

Thank God I'd backed up my uni work that morning. Otherwise I'd really be screwed.

@oda_rosland

Photo source: http://manwithamac.com/